Good Morning Sunshine Blog.

Life unfurls so we can become!

Good morning! Thoughts for the day.

I feel I have come full circle and find myself very happy and content. Joining a women’s circle for somatic meditation has led me here. I have evolved! The first step was to find what was holding me back. I began to explore my part on relationships after, already something I did, but not as deeply util I felt ghosted by my daughter. I did realize this was something she need to work through, yet I was certainly triggered. I began to explore why and discovered that it went back to old feelings. These were the desire to be seen and heard by those closest to me. Something we all want. I had not felt seen and heard by parents nor by first husband. These meant resentments were built upon, a sense of not being truly loved. When you carry that around you set it aside somewhere deep inside. It remains there! And so you draw upon it. I then began to look at self. Was I carrying myself as I truly wanted to carry myself? It’s meant a lot of self-discoveries. It feels awkward to talk about somethings depending on the relationship and with whom. It is a matter of gelling how you truly feel as you evolve. Paying attention to self is key. I discovered I was not as good a listener as I thought I was. I found when things felt awkward because I felt I had intruded poorly by asking questions and then not really waiting long enough with the turn taking. I asked myself why. My desire to listen was honest, real and heart felt. I was surprised to learn it was due to sensing someone else’s discomfort. And I was feeling a need to change the subject. However, what remains is the fact as someone else was not feeling truly heard. I was not being the good listener. I want others to think on this. If someone is ill and you ask how they are each time because you do want to know. It is hard for that person to be so ill and always be asked, as it reminds them of how they are and the situation. You really need to let someone tell you as they choose to let you know how they are. This is being supporting in a far better way and that person will feel heard. I am someone who is very aware life is not does it have to be about me! But if it feels like you’re not listening, and you’re not truly when you aim for a different topic right after asking how someone is. Only you know the sense of anxiety and desire not to hurt someone. But asking how someone is when they don’t feel well is painful to them. This is what I realized. We can change behaviors once aware of them. We can rebuilt trust, and we can make people feel heard. I know how important that has been to me. I would suggest greeting someone and then listening to them. Give them time to collect their thoughts and present what they want to convey. Wait, allow them to ask questions. I think to remember they may not be able to do the same kinds of things you can. I feel sensitive to this. I am thinking of what it is like for people I know, about people in nursing homes or family members. I recall my own disappointment when people asked me how I was and I was not so hot. It requires mindfulness, compassion and empathy. I want to be this way, so I am being a thoughtful person. My new clarity of self had brought me to my conclusions. The balance I have, letting go of several old beliefs about my reality have me in a far better place! Reaching out to others has been the best thing I have ever done! Taking charge of my life and really doing so has been the best thing I could ever do for me. I am excited about the changes I am making. It’s something I will continue to build on, and in time others are finding a new me and they are responding to this new me. I feel seen and heard. That is why I began to look at myself.

My family responds differently to me now, and my new friends are learning that is how I am. I respond differently to my family and recognize they need to process their own learning curves. My daughter and I have our good relationship back. She I think is getting on top of her life. I am simply observing and enjoying watching my two daughters become their own newer versions of self.

I learned another thing, that despite feeling I did not judge others I in fact I did and was responding to those judgments with opinions I held. This is believing someone is a certain way and not allowing them to grow and become. You do not have to fix another’s problems. You can support without taking on “things” or setting your own life on hold. We do need to size things up and that is having an opinion. Having opinions gets wonky when you spend too much time with your thoughts or taking on roles working to fix things, drop pearls of wisdom as possible solutions. That requires investing time in someone else’s reality. Where it’s not your problem to fix. I was surprised to learn I was making judgements and I did not like that about myself.

I know I would rather work my own reality out. People may think they know someone but that’s not possible. Often things look like “it’s a certain way.” However, we humans are complex; we do not successful convey what we really want to say. Things come out in ways we don’t intend and sometimes these things are half baked, and a better conclusion doesn’t happen.

Best wishes! May love and laughter find you.