Why Into the woods? Because that is where the path lay. There is more than one way of looking at things.

The ability to look at things from different perspectives and come to other conclusions is not a bad thing to do. A thought has been needling me, in regard to the letting go process mothers need to do so their children move into their own responsibilities of living life. I think that this is what this ghosting is about. It has on my part been about my gaining my independence, and I think that this ghosting thing is about my daughter finding her own independence and the how too of being responsible for her own words and actions. She needs to learn she can’t avoid things that come her way as I did. This is something I should not be a part of. This has not been about me, more than it has been about her. This is what you read when you look up ghosting. One of the first things you read is it is not about you. Well, how? This is what needled me. How and what is it really about then?

The process of letting go of one’s children begins somewhere along the way. The mother hat goes off more often. Children seek being independent. I did! We all do. And there are times when we come back for support. Sometimes a parent offers support when they should give the situation time to resolve where the adult child figures things out. It is not a bad thing to offer support in a way that leaves the responsibility with the adult child. My efforts were to do just this by offering pearls of wisdom, and I set myself aside to support my daughter. I babysat so she could do the necessary such as work and to better herself college. I wanted a better life for her and her children. I did this freely. It is too late to regret things done. What is done, is done. I had come to a point where if I was ever going to do “it “__”it” was now! My own independence became very important and I put this out there! My objective to establish this with my daughter firmly. This is what I wanted and needed life to be like so I would be untethered and be the professional artist, and to set myself up as one. The responsibility for one’s life is something “only you are accountable for.” There were choices to be made and as I did, setting my own boundaries I think my daughter felt she too needed her own boundaries. I did not fit into her new life as I had. There is this sense that people fit into our lives.

There is so many hours in a day and so much time for building relationships, work, parenting etc.

Moving on with my life is what I need to do and give my daughter the time to work things out for herself. Spending time feeling hurt and anger will not help either of us. Coming to conclusions takes time. I have no idea about her own self talk. I am not responsible for that.

My daughter did not think about how her words, a lack of them as well would affect others. Me and her siblings who end up trying to make sense of things and how to be family too without life turning into a hell of some kind.

The result for me has been that I felt left to take a higher road once more. All the while feeling like I am losing out. But I was not happy with how things were. I wanted life to be mine again. I was reclaiming myself and moving into a new way of being when the ghosting happened. It was a traumatic time for all. Moving, divorce and death is a lot to deal with. A heavy burden. I would want to avoid dealing with it. But you can only do this for a while before it hits you hard. Perhaps my daughter needed to come to her own conclusions about her experiences. Perhaps the world, life___” knew these things needed to happen without me in the mix”.

It is time to do me and not help others. Adult children need to fly on their own. Living life well for yourself is what you do at this point in time. If you don’t come to a point of seeing things clearly then you adjust life according to what others are doing. That is a guessing game when it comes to others not being sure of what they want out of life. We should not live our lives where it is about responding to someone else’s needs and desires. Your adult child or others. That often leads to resentment on all sides of the matter at hand.

The woods. The woods is a place where you can find new and old pathways, but this does not happen right away, you must push through a lot of brush and other entanglements to find a peaceful meadow to rest in and get grips on things. You need to realize you’re not alone in the process; others do not know what to do with the elephant in the room either. They are looking for ways to make things work so to lessen the anger and hurt. Taking yourself out of the equation by taking a higher road is not the answer. My daughter? She needs to pull up her big girl panties on her own. And without me compromising the way I want to live my life. To take me out of the equation is unfair to her children. I am not doing that she is. She owns this, she is making it about me. I am taking my jump rope and staying home and going out on my own adventures into new relationships. Not waiting for her to come back into my life. I want people who want to be in my life to come into it. I am not living a life being responsible for someone else’s words and actions. Boundary setting and moving on are the roads to take not ones where you’re waiting beside the road for someone else to get it!” I am compelled to write about ghosting because I feel what I read does not fit what my gut tells me.

Best wishes! Pejj