Good morning! Coffee at the ready! May your day be filled with love and laughter!

~Thoughts for the day~

Feeling good is up to me! This is the one thought that is always in the upper regions of my mind. It is there because of my oldest daughter. Whom I love very much, yet she is closing me out, ghosting me. I have come to a number of conclusions. The main conclusion is “This is not about me!” It may be about who I am____. You see, I have a mother hat that does consider going on or it is taken off. I know several versions of my daughter and of myself.

I have spent time to come to my conclusions because that is how I am, I like to know why. And being ghosted you want to know why? Why do people do what they do say what they say?

Now my daughter knows who I am, and how I am. After all these years together. I have passed on many pearls of wisdom at this point for her to choose from.

I told her long ago about how family dynamics work. That within a family unit there are several relationships going on, that each of us are responsible for the relationships we build with one another. Children need to grow up and with that their responsibility grows. Adult children are adults and so there is equal footing available.

For relationships to work you need to know what it feels like to have respect, trust and belief in yourself first of all to have self-love. If you have these and grow them____ as a part of who you are____ then you will know how to show these attributes to others. Self-love is vital. It says this is what it feels like to respect, trust in, have belief in one’s self.

It is not a loving thing to not remember these as you respond to others. My daughter was not thinking of these things____. Life became very overwhelming for her. I get that as it is a great burden she is facing___ is trying to ignore. A divorce, then the death of the now ex, moving___ drama. These are very hard to deal with as one kind of thing. But she has been whammed! Big time!

I feel this is something she must figure out on her own. I need to give her time to learn her way forward. I can do this by living my own life. Which is what I should be doing anyway and not be caught up in guessing games or feeling very hurt. I am not about to chase her down to learn what she feels. Because I realized she needs to come to terms with her own choices. This is not about me. She has a tendency like most of us to want to avoid things, she just wants happiness. It is all too much. I get this!

Now what to do with all of this. It happened! Now that I have an understanding of this monster in the room. Where family life is with several others has changed due to my oldest child. It becomes how do I respond to this not being a part of my grandchildren’s lives as I was. All holidays broadside me, and it hurts and I revert to feeling hurt. I remind myself of the things I just wrote about.

I also think about if she came to me how would I respond? I know exactly how I would respond. “This ghosting me has deeply hurt me despite what I can intellectualize by means of having understanding. What I can’t seem to get around is the fact that you too are a mother and know what it feels like to be a mother! You ought to know how this hurts me. If your feel shame, well you should. Because all I did was out of love, then out of love I did even more for your children. I did things for you when perhaps I should not have. Instead, I should have focused on myself and my husband. Instead, we did so much for you to help you, guide you so you could come to your own conclusions. You said, “Mom, come live near me. After all you an Tom have done for me. I would not be where I am today without what you and Tom did for me.” And your said some of those things. Financial things, babysitting so you could go to school and work. And making room in my home for you and your children. Stopping or slowing down the things I should have been doing. Thomas was sick and yet I was helping you with his blessing instead of spending that time with him.

This burden you bear has changed me because of your exclusions of me. A relationship with you would not be the same as I am different now. I have grown in yet another way. Experiencing what life throws at you does just that. My conditions for a new relationship are the same it’s just that if you want back into my life____ well, it’s going to be a new start. I don’t trust who you are at this point. I will always love you! I don’t have to like you or accept what you have aimed at me. I am tired of taking the higher road when it comes to you. The rest of my life has to be more about me and what I want to do with it. I am seventy-one. I want love and happiness in my world. No time for solving mysteries.

As I settle into my new home, have the studio ready to roll happiness has found me. I love my new life. My other children are wonderful to spend time with. I have all my friends! Some dear older friends and some brand-new friends. I am not alone. Life has become quite busy. I embrace what I now have. I am keeping my promises to myself.

Life is truly how you look at it. There is always a way forward. Letting go of the things you cannot change or do not own in the first place is a good thing!

May love and laughter find you! Simply Pejj Nunes