Anisette Studio

Happy and thoughtful, now.

I have been thinking about my life. I just turned seventy last birthday, so of course I am thinking of my life. What was it like? What do I remember accurately, and was it simply my opinion at the time? What do we base our realities on?

As a child, I always felt I was an observer, and I still do. My own observing became a habit. Later, I reasoned that is what writers and poets do; we observe others. My journalism class in high school confirmed this, as did articles and books I read about writing. The reason behind such observation is to understand mentally, emotionally, and spiritually what life is like for everyone. The differences are significant; everyone’s lives are full of variables. To feel our feelings is to be human. The mind predicts which thoughts we need to understand what we are experiencing. Knowing that the mind calls up what we have experienced or believe to be our best information is key to moving forward. We do not have to understand or use all the information we store away, which the mind will bring up to be examined. This is how the mind works; we must question what is relevant to the present.

I gathered my opinions of what things were or are like even today. These observations include guessing because I could not know the whole situation. I don’t like using guessing. I aim to question when it feels like I am guessing so I can see things in the best possible light. What is good is good, and what is bad is bad. However, it is possible to have some grays in between to be considered, but not always because we need to trust and believe in our bottom lines. The brain gets overwhelmed, and we become mentally and physically tired if all we do is problem-solve life. We can’t live in the past or think about the future constantly; we need to be in the present. I finally got this at this point. By doing so, I have learned how to be happy.

We rely on body language and tone of voice when we observe other people. And we question what was said when we hear mixed messages, which, if we don’t clarify, then it’s guessing. Especially when others do not discuss their realities, which was the case with my ex-husband. This is an opinion as well as a conclusion. One I do not deem right or wrong. We lived our way forward with bad results, among good things, such as our children.

I came away from that marriage feeling he had no clue about who I was as a person. I came away feeling I did not get to know him! I reasoned? You need quality time together to get to know one another, and you need to talk to each other. He was a farmer, I was his farmwife, and my role, I believed, was to support him. I would be supported, too. I thought I was not being supported. There was no time for an “us.” Farming was his dream; initially, I wanted to understand and embrace that life. Farm life is not easy as the cows, and all that needs to be done comes first. It depends on how the farm is managed as well.

They are not giving information about themselves, so it’s guessing. Trust and belief seem alien concepts. Being on target, and then way off to the left somewhere because we feel unsure of what to own as how we think about things____. It’s okay to be wrong, and that’s when we learn the most about what is right! A lot of variables in this state of being. Knowing what we know during a particular age and stage of our lives is how it is, always according to experience. What amounts to a most actual reality____ until, unless it becomes changed. We maintain a sacred bottom line for sanity’s sake; some things must feel correct, okay, and balanced.

Pejj Nunes, March 2025