What are good relationships anyway?

Good relationships take compassionate thought, and consideration of each person involved. The are a commitment. There are “howevers___.”

My parents did not talk about what makes a good relationship; most times they did not fully show that they knew themselves how to treat one another, And for me “the observerant child” ____I saw a lot of anger. This made me think about what I wanted. The older I became, I had not wanted to be married, yet I did at an early age. I did not want to have children, and I did that as well. SO, I thought a great deal about relationships and what they needed to become. Good relationships do not just happen. Relationships are built upon. Good relationships need a strong foundation of respect, trust and belief in one another; having these as the starting point allows two people to truly love one another. If this is not established, cherished, and built upon it make room for trouble within the relationship. This same thing is true for all relationships! The ones with have with family members or the friends we hold dear.

In a family unit there is a lot that goes on. Parents need to understand they get to direct what happens for just so long, and then children grow up. What happens between birth and the children leaving matters! It does not go with an easy flow when the parents are not in sync. Standing with togetherness is vital. Parenting together is vital to the family. Within a family there are several relationships going on. The relationship between the parents, and them as individuals with each child. It is up to them what kind of relationship they have with each child. The parents are the teachers of how relationships work. If you do not understand how you need to carry yourself___ or if the relationship is unbalanced in that one of you has better parenting skills___ then it can be confusing. This is why both people need to establish the ground rules of not just parenting but what kinds of things are important to their relationship.

When things get to wonky, you do consider what is best and leave a relationship.

Back to the relationships with one’s children. These babies who become children are all of who they are and will become. It is up to a parent to learn who they are at each age and stage. We change, and they change and become. This is what needs supporting. This is where you guide and teach. As children get older they test what you say, as you or I did our own parents.

Children know what they know due to what they experience, just as we know from what we experience. Experience uses all our senses! We hear, touch, see___. We think with end goal of understanding. We don’t know what to do with what we don’t understand, but the experience is there! It brings up all the possible feeling with it.

There is sorry for what we didn’t know, and responded to a situation. But at that time we responded, children respond according to what their conclusions are. The bottom line we all want to have. The bottom line is the stand we take according to what we believe our truest reality to be.

Being a mother or father is a serious undertaking. So is being the foundation for a family, the couple.

When we separate: divorce a lot of important things are forgotten. That once we had a commitment and did love one another. It can be remembered, but usually not before a lot of hurt and anger happens. Years in fact. Why because of the thoughts that happen which stem from what gets said or done. Things that are not respectful, trustworthy, compassionate, and not from what we once believed. Children see this and it affects them when they become adults, and so they do not have a good observation of what it does take to be all one can be as a couple.

A good relationship means getting to be who you are, and accepted for it. Your allowed to grow and become who you want to be and to pivot in that endeavor. When differences do arise you can talk about it, or let it go because other things are more important to you like the sanctity of the relationship itself. It allows the other person to have the time to pivot within their thoughts if you can talk about something, but if something is held fast it allows you to not make it so important that other things stop mattering.

If someone is made to feel loved and wanted within any relationship, you try more to bring things to the relationship to make it a wonderful experience. The more deeply entwined you become the more everything feels rare, electric, amazing! The more time is made for one another. Children do need to see how we love one another. It means they feel safe, loved and wanted too! Happiness is something you work on.

The hardest thing is when one of the couple does not feel the same. There are all sorts of reason for relationships to fail. Usually, it has to do with how we communicate.

The there is this ghosting thing. Which is hard to understand. Just leaving a relationship that has been in the making for years, is a cruel thing to do. The repercussions are not thought out. Going back to the way things were is unlikely, the results are final because trust, belief and respect are broken. When your older and your child or children have done this, there is a lack of time to fix “it”. Too much hurt has been generated. As human, as a mother or father there is this desire for hope of change, a hope for shame perhaps, a sorrow___ but if returning to a relationship means pushing what was done aside___ to have some sort of relationship____ you do a great harm to who you are! Weighing out what you’re returning to? What was the relationship like before? Do you want a return to that?

It is up to the individual to decide if they want to return to a relationship or not. I don’t see how to, but I have been there and had that strong desire to stay in a relationship. It is heart wrenching to leave a relationship that does not work, or one broken by being ghosted. It is so out of the blue! Or is it?

Pejj Nunes 3/30/2026