Anisette Studio

There is nothing like a sunny lawn! Warmth cascading down. The smell of fresh air. I always think of other people when I think of what I have before me. A sadness comes. I send out that the world change towards far better things for all, that all may have sunshine, warmth, ____ Love, and laughter. Safety, food, and home. May we live and have compassion for others and all step into a better day! A great place to contemplate! These are just thoughts today about life and living well. Coffee at the right!

Me being me, I flip to such thoughts as these: It is not easy to allow the past to be the past when it hurts. I think great unhappiness comes into to our lives and darkens the day.

We need not relive it over and over but find a place to hold what hurts and allow it to be contained as that was, and now I need this instead so that I can move forward. We can’t believe that the hurt happened, and it’s personal; we need to understand why. Yet the answer to what makes us hurt is never satisfying.

What motivates someone is way to often only known to that person. If someone “admits to it” we know what they want us to know only. We feel we have come close to answering this hurt. We resent what has been done, said. I put a lot of effort into listening, understanding, checking what was meant, and being compassionate _____ and it felt like nothing had changed.

I realized the only person in this repeating experience that wanted clarification was me. So, I made sure I was clear about what I was responsible for within the relationship. I checked in on how he felt, and if he did not respond or give an answer, I let go of “it”—and moved on to the next questions. In the end, I gave a summary to him, letting him know what I felt I understood about what he thought according to what concerned me for one last response. This direct approach was fair.

We had been together for years. People who have lived together for years should know one another. There should be trust, respect, and Love. I did not have any of these key things. I could not get to why not. I did that for myself, gave it my all, and let go. It was much more complex than this, with many hurts, confusion, and mistrust. I could not live that way anymore.

It meant turning the page and being all I could be on my own. I survived and became. Hurt did not fade away very quickly. It just does not do that.
I did conclude after years.

We can all come up with hurtful thoughts, and when we go with them, no matter what they are, they often go unanswered. The feelings seem satisfied but never are, and so justification is labored at.

Proof-management goes on for years to be refined and clarified. I came to a point where this was what it felt like that I had been trying to prove what my experience was. Managing it so I was not as hurt.

There is no happiness in such endeavors. It is stacking up pros and cons and self-propaganda in the end. Some things are the most accurate answers. All the effort I put in meant years spent on such unhappiness. Such things as these do not let you let go of the past.

These thoughts may help someone. Because I let go at last and found I could be happy! I moved on and met the Love of my life! Such an unexpected and wonderful person! Life is good despite what happens in the world. I have the people I love near me. I have access to others I love now. The one thing that brought me the greatest happiness was learning to love, feel, live, and share it. Love is a way of living life with compassion for others. And so much more!

best wishes! Pejj Nunes