Anisette Studio

Well, through trial-and-error____. Reading about what it is to be ghosted. Working on the self makes a big difference! However, it doesn’t stop “getting broadsided by thoughts. Despite what I know about the brain and how it works being human is something no one gets around. We are emotional beings when it comes to things that mean a lot to us. Being a parent, having children means a lot to a parent. The struggle of being all you can be so that your kids have a good life____. Ghosting hurts deeply.

I have survived a lot of hurt, and I did imagine that part of life had come to an end. I would finally have all my children and grandchildren in my life. Memories would be made. Close ties would be formed. Instead, life continues to mean building on the relationships I can have, build new relationships and at last it means there is a lot of time to do art and writing in, as long as I don’t get suckered into thoughts that make me sad, hurt and angry. Nothing is solvable if you don’t know what you’re up against. When your ghosted you not privy to why. And as time goes on, you settle into “I don’t want to know, it’s too late! At least that is how I feel. I decided to right about my experience as I discovered I am not alone in this. It seems to be something that is happening to a lot of people. I can understand people who do wrong things being ghosted. But it happens to people who are not abusive. It happens because “something is too much for “the ghoster”, its about something they don’t want to face and choose to avoid. So, the articles say. That’s a couple of the reasons given.

What bits you can glen only help just so far. Thoughts come and you are triggered. Holidays, family events, family life is not going to be the same. And if you were to show up? I have thought about that. It’s now all awkward. I think about “Why not show up!” That likely won’t change anything, articles don’t recommend it. The suggest a proceed slowly kind of advice. Why because hurtful things can be said, that will make the estrangement worse. Ah! We are back to taking the higher road thing! I don’t want this to entrench deeper at this point in life. I am 71 now. I have been through enough hell. It is time for me to be happy. I have done so much for this particular kid, and now I have reached the limit. Is that why I am being ghosted? I do wonder. I set boundaries about what I wanted my life to be like. Was this why I am ghosted? I was not going to be available in the same ways. But others were helping as I had, so what’s the problem? Such questions make it worse because you start stacking up possibilities, and you may be right about what it might be. But do you really want to be right, and add to the hurt? No.

Ghosting is abandonment. When you get older this does feel concerning. I was promised that I would never have to be concerned, that this child would always be there after all the things I had done! For all that Thomas had done. What changed? You end up feeling used. Feeling used does not feel very good, when now your concerned about taking and meeting your needs now because of the decisions made. The way the world is now_____. I feel robbed of what I did have. Not that it was all that great as it unfolded. I had wanted something better, something more as things were. I would not want to go back to that either. And it’s not that everything was bad, but it could have been different. You can’t place blame on any one thing either. That leads into deeper hurt and a life without happiness, more hurt layered on top of what already has brought things to this point. Things happen for some reason or another, and when it comes to being ghosted it’s not necessarily about you. Even though you fumble around trying to answer the why and how it happened.

So many thoughts could make me feel deeply sad, hurt and angry. But I need to fight those thoughts. If I am to be happy and live the rest of my life independently as long as I can. I need to do all I can to help myself. I need to put the effort in to meet my own needs. I can rely on me.

Getting out of bed each day, planning my day so I am doing art, writing and reaching out to others, getting involved with life. These kinds of things make a far better reality than waiting for someone to wake up to who you are.

Why has this happened? I don’t know exactly. What I do know is that I have been a loving, caring, kind person. I don’t deserve this. It was never about me wanting more than was my right to expect.

Keeping silent about what has happened is not good. I may not solve the issues for myself. But perhaps what I say will help someone else. The fact that someone else has had an experience not unlike my own.

It’s about being broadside by something that hurts deeply. Something you can affect change about, something you can’t help with or support because you’re not wanted. So be it! At this point___ I don’t have forever to wait, its too late to want or get an apology. It’s abusive to be treated this way. It is cruel and selfish. I am not taking any higher roads; I don’t want to understand.

I also feel I can survive this! It’s another learning curve.

Pejj Nunes