Anisette Studio

Good morning! Monday all day long! Coffee at the ready! Kids are off! Mr. and Mrs. Chee Chee have arrived with their greetings! And I in turn have greeted them. They shall return and have much more to say, I am sure!

It is cool this morning. Overcast. Where is the sun? Maybe later. Today another day to read, at least for one hour then move my can! For now, I offer the following thoughts.

It has come to me today that my thoughts are about living life purposely. It may be something that comes when you hit near the age of 70. After all, you have lived a life and learned from living that life by this time. As for me, I have thought a great deal about living life and being human. And yet, not enough____. I want to arrive at my conclusions at this point.

My early life taught me how humans weigh the pros and cons of our experiences. All things have a yin and yang to them. Finding the balance is key. And that is understanding the differences between what “it” is. If “it” is love, you ponder, its opposite is hate. But in between, there are other things of importance to understand. You can plug in many other feeling words or other words and find there is always an opposite. Opposition requires allowances to be made (by us) because we have different opinions due to our personal experiences and resulting belief systems. Trust has its’ opposite, as does respect. Trust and respect are a required foundation for love. So, these three “things” have commonalities. Relationships that need one another to become a whole.

To be a whole person requires a lot of thought about who one wants to become. We become because we evolve. Life is indeed a learning curve. Change is constant, is truism. There is a saying about not knowing who we are because we have not lived long enough. This means that there is an evolution of the person we become. We respond to the world and people in it; those local to us are those to whom we respond most.

The decisions we make lead us to “where they do.” Once you take a different path, you stay on that path for as long as you are____ until you take yet another. You’re affected by the whole experience. You’re not alone in being affected; those around you are also affected. The choices we make change the experience for others. We do not thoroughly think of how all others may be affected. However, they respond____ as we respond, as they respond, as we respond____ and there we are! Until we come to conclusions. The goal is to feel balanced and ok with the decisions made; if not, life feels wishy-washy, a drift.

These thoughts relate to the question, “Have I lived a purposeful life?” I have always striven to do so. Reading the books I read when I was younger taught me that life is led through purpose. The burning question has always been, “Why do we do as we do as people?” More important to me was understanding why I would choose to do what I do. What happens if I do this or that? How am I affecting others? Is there a way to do this well?

Being loyal, trustworthy, truthful, respectful, compassionate, kind, and loving has always been important. “Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.” The importance of these things had become entrenched in me as a young person. Our words and actions are most important. I believe this, yet others do not hold such beliefs highly, so it seems. These conclusions come from what I have learned about the world I know. But I can not be sure what’s in the minds of others; I can only hope there is a commonality here. In this world, we can all be who we can become, love, and like that self.

So, what does it mean to live purposefully? The answer depends on which hat I wear and on what day I am in because I am a different me at different times. As an artist, I fill my mind with those concerns. When I write, it is “those concerns.” As the mother of my adult daughters, it is different for me as I wish to remain an influence even though we are three adult women. Then there are two granddaughters and a great-granddaughter to influence. I want to drop pearls of wisdom about what I have learned about life after 45. I love learning about her even though I do not know how she feels about me; her life is busy with mothering. So it’s me who needs to drop pearls of wisdom and things about who I am. I want her to know who I am as a person. There is an important role to be played here. There is knowledge to pass on and stories full of love, laughter, and life lessons about those behind us; my mother and her mother are those I know, and I heard very little about my great-grandmother.

My desire to go to college comes to mind. Part of my purpose was to set an example for my children that being educated gives purpose and meaning and that if we love doing something, we should learn all we can about it well. I knew it was essential to set this example for them. I wanted my children to know you are more than you think; we all are! We wear different hats at different times. Some longer than others. All of my children have received higher education. Being an example works!

My life was wonky earlier. I won’t get into that. Whatever we do in life, we will live with that outcome. Then, it is up to us as to how we move forward. That change can happen when you see a need to change. It is a bumpy ride to pivot and change a path taken. Wisdom, examining where we are at in life and determining if that is what we genuinely want, allows us to pivot.

I am at another crossroads. When you are seventy, you wonder how much longer life will be, primarily when you suddenly become single. It’s been five years since Thomas died this September. Now, poof, and it was just me! Me being me, I thought about my purpose again. “Now what?” Thomas and I had metamorphosized together into older folk. Our bodies were no longer middle-aged; he and I met later in life. And so we ended up with pear or apple-shaped bodies. Being together, you accept each other for who you are and how you look. You remember the earlier days. I can not imagine starting a new relationship. My brain says being single is just fine! It is easy for people to conclude this at this point because of prior experience. I was Thomas’s caregiver, and I do not want to do that again. It would be nice to go out and talk about life with people. Then come back to my home where I do what I do. This would require meeting people, which means getting out into the world. But to fall in love? No, I can not imagine that. Being a grandmother and having a relationship with my kids is more important to me now. I have full days. Relationships take time.

My reality was that I was divorced, and so that makes for a sense of separation. You are not in the same home as your kids all the time. You work and take care of your home. Being in the same space matters a great deal! It is similar when your kids are adults on their parenting/being the couple adventure. The time we have as couples, as parents, as the older couple is full of____ Well, full of living life as it comes at us. The quality we give ourselves is worth thinking about.

Thomas and I concluded that it was one to be two and two to be one. We wanted to be who we were and be accepted for who we were by each other. Then, others could accordingly accept us, and we could accept those willing to do so within those different relationships. When you live like this, it’s intentional. Not all people think this way. I was lucky to attract someone who did think as I did. This made our conversations interesting for one another, and we loved each other deeply. I can not imagine meeting someone like Thomas, but I do not know that without getting beyond my cottage door. I would enjoy who that person is. I love people. This is who I am thus far. The critical factor is being accepted for who I am.

Older folks do not feel entirely accepted. But this is if they think about it too much or have an experience of some stupid younger person. Age discrimination is out there. My thought is to ignore it and be who I am. I think that wise realization is that maybe one looks old, but there is a lot more behind the appearance of the aged body. Life experience has much to say! Older folk need to care for themselves, like younger folk, to be healthy.

Best wishes! Pejj Nunes