Anisette Studio

Thomas in our old studio.

Missing Thomas, my old home where he was. Him with his Kojak look. I loved the beard. LOL. He liked the shaved head. Guys like different looks too it seems.

It is different being single. There is this alone time suddenly there, and then it is “what do I do with this?” The first thought was art and writing_____ Thomas was an artist too. We had planned to do a lot more art, he his, me mine in this studio. It obviously did not happen as Thomas died.

I have been thinking this morning about what it means to be independent. Making plans for one’s self. Being confident with what you decide. Following through with what needs to be done. It’s all up to you. Nothing needs to be shared, as what you share with a partner is different than what you would share with family. Partners do not have to share everything, but there is a lot we do share. That sharing is missed. No one to ask, “What do you think?” And if you ask a grown daughter, the answer is not simply the same as it would be with your intimate partner. We give more of ourselves to a partner than we do others, if we have a close bond.

I think that its acceptance of the new reality that begins to happen, more over time. This is life now. It’s not that these feelings are totally sad, one expects sadness, and you can call up that feeling, and it sits there foundationally. But doesn’t need to take over the train of thought(s) that come. I think once I heard or read that people can feel guilty that they are alive, and their loved one is not. That doesn’t seem fair to the self. To cultivate a sense of guilt. If you spend too much on any thought you can feel that feeling, and like sadness feel what that sense is. We know our emotions well.

I think the train of thought has to do with feeling happiness after a loved one dies. I have found happiness, joy, peace, love never leaves. My days are full of many wonderful things. Life is different now and it is good.

The think to remember is you can change what your mind has called up. Feelings and thoughts are just that___ what they are. And well, there is no need to stay long in any particular thing our minds predict we might be interested in.

Change the subject on the self, find other things to fill the mind with. Life is what we make it! Truly it is!

Best wishes! Pejj